I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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