I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
