I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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