even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
