I think i sorta joined a cult last night
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
