So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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