I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
