I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
