Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
