If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
