it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
