There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
