Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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