Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
