I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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