I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
