WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
