I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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