i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
