My room smells like vodka and shame
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
