your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
