I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
