Someone shit on the floor
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Your cock deserves a montage
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
