My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
