you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
