No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
