I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
