ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
