you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
