What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
