I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, beer. Big fan.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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