Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
