hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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