She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
