His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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