my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just cropdusted the office
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He better not be in your backpack
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
