i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
