last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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