she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can't put those talents on a resume
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
