i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
