Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dick very happy bro
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
