I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
