Sponge bath it is.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I cut my penus on the lid.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
