dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Drake has all the answers
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
