Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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