Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I could fuck to npr.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
