u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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