I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
