I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize