The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
