she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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