The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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