So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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