Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
