I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
