He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
